Worries and Panic Attacks

It's late and like many people... I worry more the later it gets. The tired mind lets through all that stays in the background. However, sometimes I think I'm certifiable. Right now I'm thinking about Aidan. She worries me. She is such a funny, cheerful little girl ... but only while she's at home. In public... she's ..withdrawn..and serious..and..well?...ODD! When I look back at all the pictures I have of her.... in nearly every one she's practically scowling.....sometimes there is no expression. When I take note of this I sometimes have that gut reaction you get when you think something is wrong. You know? That dropping sensation....just not an extreme one. Like I wonder if she's slightly Autistic. That's so ridiculous. I know she isn't (there really isn't any signs of it.) It's funny how you can know something to be true... absolutely...yet still have nagging thoughts in your head. Anyway, I know that Aidan is perfectly fine. I've always known that. Yet, I still worry. And I don't only do that about Aidan either. I do it to Ainsley. Ainsley will give some vacant expression like all six month babies do... that wide eyed "duh" look and I'll think negative things ...what if's. I would really like to know if this is normal or do I need help. I do this often. It does not just apply to the girls having issues. It's all day long... negative what if's pop in my head. Sometimes, they're horrible. For example.. earlier today I was lying down with Ainsley and I was imagining working in our new garage with a table saw... helping with building a new deck and then it just pops into my head a scene out of a horror movie where I get this panicky horrible vision of what if one of the girls was leaning over to look to see what was going on and they fall forward into the saw and their head is cut off. I'm standing there and couldn't react in enough time to stop it. My heart starts racing and I feel all of those horrifying, gut wrenching, this could not have just happened, Nooo! my daughter must be fine Nooo! - feelings as if it did happen. WHERE THE HELL DOES THIS COME FROM? I feel scared like I have to take the girls and hide them from all dangers, hide them from all table saws. I had to grab a hold of Ainsley to feel better. I had to tell myself to calm down. I mostly started this panicky stuff when Aidan was born and frankly... it's getting worse. Sometimes I'll get some possible danger stuck in my head I have to control myself from acting crazy. I have to calm myself. At night when I go to check on them for the last time.. I always ...yes....Always... imagine them still and cold in their beds. I always always breathe better to see they're breathing and warm. I always say a prayer for God to protect them and keep them "healthy, happy, and whole." It's so silly. It's so INSANE. And no, no one knows about this. This is one of my private things I keep to myself.... well...until now.