Birthday Shopping

We went to Toys R Us today to see if they had the easel for Aidan I wanted. I have not been to it since before the fire. They're building a Babies R Us and revamping the existing Toys R Us so it's a bit of a mess. Anyway, we finally managed to find the easel and it was on sale! Yay! We picked a great day to get it. Then, while putting it together at home (I wanted to see it) I discovered that it's even cooler than expected. I've been worried about how small Aidan is and how hard it will be for her to use it... when low and behold... if I don't put the bottom part of the legs on...the easel is much smaller and more her size. So, I guess you can say it's a grow-with-me easel. It's funny how happy one gets when something turns out way better than expected. Can you tell I'm pleased? Ha Ha

Sale

Yard Sale is over

I'm sunburned

I'm tired

It was a very slow day

but helpful

We made nearly 2 hundred

Which was my goal

There is more space in the garage now

Yay!

Preparing

We're in the middle of preparing for the yard sale. I hate the dust. My asthma and allergies are acting up. But! I'm having fun. I have always liked this and the prospect of making money is great. I hope it turns out well. I feel positive so maybe that means it will bomb. I hope not.

This Weekend

We have not heard back from Bridgett yet since she first told me about the Marfan stuff. Mutti is really worried and is wondering if Bridgett is mad at her for giving it to her. (Though really she got it from her father) Emotionally I've shut down about it all. I'm trying to think about this weekend and packing the house. Tomorrow we are going to have a yard sale. Like always, we've put off most of the preparations until today. So, we'll probably be up past midnight finishing it. But hey... we wouldn't want to mess up our record.... would we?

Too Much

Today Bridgett found out that my niece, Makensie, has a heart defect- most probably caused by something called Marfan Syndrome. Which, by the way, means Bridgett has it and it's highly likely AT LEAST one other of her kids has it. I hope they all don't have it. The chances of passing it down are 50/50. It is a dominant genetic disorder that is very serious and may or may not be fatal... depending on how severe they have it. It is incurable and you have to deal with it for life. Based on the symptoms... we're all pretty sure Cole will have it as well. My heart bleeds over this. I almost feel so overwhelmed by it all I've lost all feeling. Bridgett was just diagnosed with cervical cancer and now she and at least two of her children have a potentially fatal disorder. What else is about to happen? It's just too much.

One sick baby ...Two sick baby

Both of my girls are sick. I believe we're in for a long night. Ainsley has progressively gotten worse as the day has worn on. She's asleep on our bed and waking up every 15-20 minutes or so. Aidan seems to be sleeping better but she'll need to be checked on frequently.

Bad Briana

I haven't done a good job this week with watching my portion sizes etc. I've been eating junk and snacking a lot. Frankly, I'm afraid to look at the scale because I'm pretty sure I will have gained 3 pounds. Oh, how those mashed potatoes kill me!

Ainsley

Well I have to say I do believe Little Bit has decided she doesn't want to crawl and will just go straight to walking. She just turned 7 months yesterday and today she learned to pull up. So far she had been pulling up with our hands only. This afternoon, however, she pulls up once by herself and now she's pulling up on everything... on toys.. on furniture .. etc. The funniest thing is she is so pleased with herself about it. She just laughs and smiles and smacks her lips together. Ainsley is such a funny duck. Because she's teething she now keeps turning her lips inward so that she looks like a happy leprechaun.

Long Night

Aidan had a hard time last night. After going to bed she kept waking up every 15 minutes because she couldn't breathe etc. We actually had her in the car and on the way to the hospital before Mutti and I changed our minds. Instead, we came back home and put her to bed with John and I. I was up a lot last night calming her back to sleep. She didn't sleep well and couldn't breathe and coughed a lot. Our educated guess is that she has croup. She got it from this little girl that was at Sears last Friday. We had noticed the girl was coughing a croupy cough and I had thought we'd kept Aidan away from her... but apparently at one time they were close together and the girl coughed right in Aidan's face. Damn it. Selfishly, it makes me mad because I was planning to take Aidan to Savannah mall for our playgroup. We were to make an art project at AC Moore and then go to softplay. A lot of moms with kids Aidan's age are going to be there and I was really looking foward towards it. So far I've only been to two outings. Well, I suppose next time...

Relax, Sit Back

We made the decision to do nothing this weekend and just enjoy being together. It was nice. We went to the very dead flea market and wandered around Saturday morning. Today, John and I took the girls to the in-laws. It went fine. Now, the girls are asleep and we're sitting in the living room watching T.V. John has been working every night on his group project and instead of being bothered by his distraction (from me) I'm enjoying it. Somehow, we're talking more and being closer because he's keeping me in the loop and I think because it's throwing us back into "college" mode. We had a good time together in college. Things were very easy with us. Maybe this MBA program won't be so bad after all.

Pictures From Today

My hopes

We are watching a movie together right now. It is making me think about marriages. I hope that John and I will be the couple..still married...60 years from now...that smiles wryly at each other when younger people ask us how we stayed together so long. We'll tell them you must love each other at different times than the other. We'll have our lives so intertwined with so many years of memories and moments and fights and love and hate that when the first of us dies... the other will never be whole. Is this morbid?

Picture Day!

Wow.. last night's post....I needed some sleep! HaHa

Today was a really good day. It's been pouring rain because of Tropical Storm Fay. However, we got up and got ready to go because it was picture day today! We got some really excellent ones. This was really the best photo shoot we've had. I will from now on use this same woman.... Joanne. She was very professional and even hit it off with our Aidan. (Apparently Aidan decided to prove me totally insane by being very happy, smiley, and talkative with strangers today.)

John and Aidan are in the floor playing with blocks and making silly faces. Aidan's yelling "I got you," attacking John, and laughing. Everyone needs to make time to stop and see the Kodak moments.

After pictures we all (including Mutti) went out to lunch at Longhorn. We had meant to go for a celebratory dinner for getting the house but had never gone. So, we went this afternoon. It was cheaper to go during the day anyway.

Then, we thought "Hey, it's been raining like mad... lets see if our new house floods!" So, we rode to -?- and checked it out. It looks good. Only the ditches were swollen with water. I was very pleased to see it and know that one day I will call it home.

Later, on the way home, we stopped at Walmart for a few necessities.

Now, we're chilling and we're about to get the girls bathed.

Worries and Panic Attacks

It's late and like many people... I worry more the later it gets. The tired mind lets through all that stays in the background. However, sometimes I think I'm certifiable. Right now I'm thinking about Aidan. She worries me. She is such a funny, cheerful little girl ... but only while she's at home. In public... she's ..withdrawn..and serious..and..well?...ODD! When I look back at all the pictures I have of her.... in nearly every one she's practically scowling.....sometimes there is no expression. When I take note of this I sometimes have that gut reaction you get when you think something is wrong. You know? That dropping sensation....just not an extreme one. Like I wonder if she's slightly Autistic. That's so ridiculous. I know she isn't (there really isn't any signs of it.) It's funny how you can know something to be true... absolutely...yet still have nagging thoughts in your head. Anyway, I know that Aidan is perfectly fine. I've always known that. Yet, I still worry. And I don't only do that about Aidan either. I do it to Ainsley. Ainsley will give some vacant expression like all six month babies do... that wide eyed "duh" look and I'll think negative things ...what if's. I would really like to know if this is normal or do I need help. I do this often. It does not just apply to the girls having issues. It's all day long... negative what if's pop in my head. Sometimes, they're horrible. For example.. earlier today I was lying down with Ainsley and I was imagining working in our new garage with a table saw... helping with building a new deck and then it just pops into my head a scene out of a horror movie where I get this panicky horrible vision of what if one of the girls was leaning over to look to see what was going on and they fall forward into the saw and their head is cut off. I'm standing there and couldn't react in enough time to stop it. My heart starts racing and I feel all of those horrifying, gut wrenching, this could not have just happened, Nooo! my daughter must be fine Nooo! - feelings as if it did happen. WHERE THE HELL DOES THIS COME FROM? I feel scared like I have to take the girls and hide them from all dangers, hide them from all table saws. I had to grab a hold of Ainsley to feel better. I had to tell myself to calm down. I mostly started this panicky stuff when Aidan was born and frankly... it's getting worse. Sometimes I'll get some possible danger stuck in my head I have to control myself from acting crazy. I have to calm myself. At night when I go to check on them for the last time.. I always ...yes....Always... imagine them still and cold in their beds. I always always breathe better to see they're breathing and warm. I always say a prayer for God to protect them and keep them "healthy, happy, and whole." It's so silly. It's so INSANE. And no, no one knows about this. This is one of my private things I keep to myself.... well...until now.

Down Day

I've been feeling down today. Perhaps it's because of all the things happening in such a short time. Of perhaps it's because we have no more money. I'm sure it is a lot of things. I need some sleep.

Today

Today...

John and I showed the house to his Mom, Nana, and Aunt Mimi. They approved. It will be hard to wait to walk in and know it's mine until the 26th. However, we have much to do....fixing this rental, packing, etc. Next weekend we shall have a yard sale so we need to prepare for that as well. I hope to get rid of all this extra stuff that just sits everywhere.

I went to Carters and bought some clothes for the girls. I need to go back because I've decided the outfits they are to wear for pictures Friday will be matching. Come on.... I get to do it at least ONCE... right?

I haven't really done much else... I've been really tired.

How wonderful to know we will be living there. I love our house and really feel that if it doesn't flood away... we could live many happy years there.

Waste of Money?

I just bought Aidan an early birthday present: the Leap Pad Fridge Phonics thing. I've set it up in the kitchen so that when she awakens from her nap.. she'll see it. I think she'll use it. She's been very interested in letters and the ABC song. She practices the song while listening to her Little Touch Leap Pad. Maybe this will help her learn her letters.

More money to spend

Another dang textbook to buy. Errr.

Happy Camper

Just as an aside.... R.F.H. is NOT very happy that it is all working out. She is now refusing to speak with our Realtor on the phone and is only conversing through email. I am privileged to be forwarded her emails and let me tell you... they are NOT professional. They sound like a petulant teenager wrote them. Poor poor R.F.H. I'd give a hundred dollars to know what she was planning with the house.

Awesome

Today John and I learned about the tax credit the government is giving to first-time home buyers until June 2009. Basically, we shall get $7,500 and will not have to pay if back until two years from now. Which, then, we shall pay only $500 per year for 15 years (or until sell of the home). There is no interest either. I'm glad John and I are buying right now. I'm sorry for everyone who is losing their homes but because of all these issues... now is the time to buy.

Big Breath! Yay!

Done deal. The house is ours. Strings were pulled. We have the loan and for the amount we wish. We close on September 26th. I thank God for looking after us and for everything falling into place. You know you're on the right path in life when everything (yes, with minor hassles) fits smoothly together. The biggest worry now is making the adjustment to living without all the disposable income we've had. We'll manage though.

Breathe again

It would be nice to find out today that I can breathe again. Today, we should find out about our loan. It's still up in the air about whether or not we'll pay PMI. Finally, I've gotten clarification about it all. Apparently, if you are over the debt- income ratio they like... they then see if your house is Energy Star to approve it. If not, they then look at your credit scores and determine if they wish to risk it with you. Our debt-to-income ratio is too high and our house is NOT energy star so they must go by our credit. Our credit is right below their requirements... almost up there but not quite. So, it doesn't really looking positive. I have a horrible feeling that Will is going to call and say they just couldn't approve it. So, what that means is that we will have to switch to a FHA loan and we'll need to pay PMI then. That very well may be too much. Our payment will be $200 more than we'd wish it to be. Wow, he might not get our house because of this. It doesn't seem smart to try to push ourselves every month with these payments. What if something happened? What if we lose this house?

Hopefully looking towards tomorrow...

Will from the bank is supposed to get back with us tomorrow to let us know about the energy audit thingy. I hope he is able to pull the strings he was hoping to pull. I also am hoping to find out what rate and what payment we're looking at. Wouldn't it be funny, if after everything, we lose this house because we can't afford it? Oh, so funny.

Catch Up

With John being in Macon I haven't had MY computer so I'm lagging behind in the news. Okay, well, later on Thursday, we hear from Debra that the other agent told her that she had faxed the signed offer at 3pm the previous day. Amazingly enough Debra never received this fax. SOMEHOW it must have been sent to the wrong number... or an alien took it... or something- right?

Yeah, the listing agent was just playing games and wanted us to squirm. She's a Realtor-From-Hell! In fact that's what I'm calling her from now on.. R.F.H...!!

Anyway, the inspection was Saturday. It went well... there are no deal breakers with this house. Surprise surprise the (R.F.H.) was up to her tricks again. Our inspection was at 9am. She had arranged for a couple to be shown the house at 10am. Umm, sure go right ahead but don't mind me loudly talking about where I'm putting what where....hehe. Yeah, my redneck roots are showing.... can I be more obvious? STILL....

I am soo excited and scared and terrified and worried and exhilarated and happy and and and everything. My mind keeps going over what could go wrong until closing... what if's..etc...

My mind also keeps decorating and placing furniture. (Usually with furniture I do not own yet LOL)

By the way, Aidan loves her new house. She ran around with this big grin on her face. She's not used to that much room to roam. I can see her and Ainsley happily chasing each other around (and realistically speaking... getting on my nerves with their girly shreaks) Ahhh, happy thoughts!

We've had some bad news. It turns out tuition for the master's program has been upped and Gulfstream is already paying the maximum they will pay so we have to come up with $660 every semester. This semester's is due on the 25th. There went our pitiable savings... Sigh

I guess this means no splurging on things for the new house?

Today Aidan is 22 months old. Two more months to go.... all I can say is Wow!

Ainsley is ALMOST crawling. While on the phone with John (Friday) she started leaning foward so that she was in crawl position and moved foward about two or three (steps? crawls?) John was not happy and told me to grab the video camera. She's been practicing ever since. Go Ainsley!

I'm scheduling our family photo and Ainsley's six months for this next Friday. (We'll just ignore the fact Ainsley is almost 7 months!)

I'm so happy to have my computer back! I've become rather addicted to it.

Poor John is so tired.. right now everyone is asleep. He never went to bed because his group had to complete their project so he crashed as soon as we got home.

Oh, yeah, Mutti and I and the girls went and met him in Metter so he wouldn't have to drive all the way home.... he's liable to fall asleep and we decided we'd just drive the rest of the way for him.

I'm so happy to have my computer back!

I'm so happy to have my John Curtis back! I missed him. When I saw his car pull up beside ours and he stepped out in his slacks and dress shirt.... my heart smiled....I was momentarily overwhelmed. I still pause with that I'm-so-excited-he-is-who-he-is-and-is-all-mine-to-love when I see him after an absence. Hey, it's been 8.....no......9 years. Shouldn't I get over that by now?

Sigh

Well, John just called Debra. She says she has called the agents numbers... work, cell, etc and even left a message with the broker. Nothing yet. Errrr
John is actually about to leave within the next hour. He's heading off to Macon for a weekend retreat to begin his Master's program. I know I agree with him going through this program but I'm going to really hate the time spent away from us girls. The weekends have always been our "together time."

Being so Earnest..

While I'm waiting for any news from Debra... I wanted to talk about Aidan. Aidan is working so hard on her talking. Mostly, we can make out what she's at least talking about. Sometimes however, she'll repeat something over and over again with this earnest expressions and she'll enunciate carefully like an adult would to a small child.... but I have no idea what she's saying. I end up apologizing to her when I don't get it. In two months when she turns two there will be such a big difference!

This is Ridiculous!

Our offer expired today at 5pm. Before 5pm the listing agent told us to get her the preapproval letter. We did. She received it at 4:45pm but she still got it. Not one word has anyone heard since. Debra says she'll call in the morning but seriously, this is so ridiculous! I really have no faith that the owner even saw the second offer. Even if she did... the contract is legally void... it's after 5pm. So, either she's saying the answer is "No" and is ignoring us. Or the answer is "Yes" and she's deliberately letting us squirm. Whatever power I have.. I will use to let the public know what a crook this agent is.

Oh, as a note... when the listing agent heard we already had an inspection lined up for Saturday.. she was mad because we didn't use HER inspector. Is she out of her mind? 10 to 1 "her" inspector would tell us the house is great even if it was about to collapse. Yeah right Lady!

More waiting

We know that the seller and her agent has the pre-approval letter. The problem is that it's with the condition the house is Energy Star rating. That is really iffy. How can a house built in '86 be energy star? Well, we'll find out Saturday. The inspection is at 9am. I'm waiting for confirmation that the seller has actually signed the contract. I have a nagging feeling that they'll freak about the energy star thing. We'll see.

Pictures of what I HOPE is our new house....

Moving right along...

Debra called me late last night. The listing agent left her a message saying the seller wanted to see a loan approval letter before she could "make a decision." Basically, she doesn't want to waste her time to find out we don't have the loan. I think one factor is that our loan is 100% financing and people find it hard to believe because those are harder to get now. Anyway, Debra already talked to Will, our lender and he said he just needed to check the rates for today. Hopefully, in a few more hours we will have an accepted offer. I'm really excited and am so happy that we may move in!

Back to the waiting game

We submitted our offer in today... again. We have not received any answer.... not even an acknowledgment that the listing agent had it. Debra, our Realtor believes that the owner said "yes" and the agent is waiting for the last possible moment to tell us. I, on the other hand, believe the agent hasn't done a thing and is refusing to have anything to do with us. Whichever way though... it will be over tomorrow.

Such a Soap Opera!!

I never imagined buying a house could be such a soap opera! Holy Cow! Here are the facts about the last few days. We put in a nice, reasonable offer on Sunday around 4:30pm. The listing agent called our agent to yell at her that the offer was unacceptable. Our agent told her to submit it and make a counter. It became quickly apparent that the listing agent was NOT going to even show it to the seller. Our agent contacted the broker of the other agent and yesterday, the broker herself submitted it. Very soon afterward, our agent got a call from the listing agent saying that the seller will NOT counter and in addition if we decide to resubmit another offer... then we'd have to up our Earnest money to $2000, have a signed letter saying we're approved from our lender, waive the right for an inspection, termite bond, 15 days due diligence period, and all other concessions we asked for. This was really unreasonable. The house is 22 years old and is built from cedar and cypress. How could anyone in their right mind want to purchase the house without an inspection or termite bond? Because this listing agent had already proven that she would break the rules... I smelled something fishy about it all and just outright called the owner herself. It came as no big surprise... the owner NEVER said any of that and had no clue what I was talking about or why her agent would say all that. She had no problem with making a counter but had left it up to her agent. So, as of this morning we are submitting another offer where we have upped our price. I told the owner to expect the offer. I imagine she will get back to us almost immediately. So, we may know in just a few short hours. By the way, I'm expecting the listing agent to go on a war path about this but I haven't done anything illegal......... so there.

Waiting waiting....

We're buying a house!

We're NOT buying a house.

We're buying a house!

We're NOT buying a house.

We're buying a house!

We're NOT buying a house.
Hmmm
Which answer shall it be?

Stress

This house buying business is ridiculous. Our offer was submitted earlier today and it looks like the owner never saw it. Apparently their agent does not play by the rules and if SHE doesn't like the offer then she doesn't show it to her client. Now, lets not mention that this is totally illegal or anything. I have no idea if or when we'll move!

It looks like door number 2!

Yesterday John, Mutti, Andy, the girls, and I went to see the three houses on our list. It looks like -?- may win. We're going to try to put an offer in today. It's so exciting but so so scary. John and I feel that this house has a lot of potential. It is totally NOT what we were thinking of moving in though.... I can't believe we're trying for this one..... I feel like laughing.....

Ugh! Double Ugh!

Debra emailed me to tell me the homeowner of the Bridgewater house decided to UP his asking price. He's crazy. I really wanted that house. Errrrr! I'd like to BITE the guy.

Door number 1 or 2??

Today's search was very fruitful! We saw the house in Bridgewater both John and I have always liked. It has four bedrooms and a bonus. The bedrooms surprisingly are very nice. I think tomorrow we may be making an offer on it. I also saw a really rustic, nice home in -? - that I think will be an EXCELLENT investment. John will veto it... I'm fairly certain... so it's back to the Bridgewater house..... I'm so excited. The house is over our price range but maybe we can get it... who knows? No harm in trying...

Headache!

This house search is becoming a headache! John and I cannot agree on a house. When we first started all of this we had one master list of what to look for. I don't mean just how many bedrooms etc... I mean what type of neighborhood etc. However, now that we've seen a few... John has decided to throw investment down the toilet and go for the largest square footage we can get. This means a cheaply built Fred Williams home. Now he wants to go look at those ugly- I'm stuck in the twilight zone- neighborhoods built by him. I'm fast approaching the choice of just picking one out randomly and going for it.

Good News!

Bridgett's cancer has NOT spread anywhere else. She has a great chance of kicking it in the butt. I cannot explain what a relief and what a weight off it was to hear that. It's funny how you can be unaware of stress weighing so heavily until it's released. Oh Thank You!

Adrenaline Rush

I feel so electrified. I just called Tennessee to the people who owned the Village Lake house. I left a message and told them if anything doesn't work out with the deal to call me and we'll offer $217,000. Ha Ha I can't believe I did that. So, most likely I will never hear from them again. The hassle of it all will probably not appeal to them but...... maybe.......
I can't believe I did that.
Maybe I've been really stupid and should have just kept looking.
I hope there will be no repercussions.
Sigh
Being me is like being on a roller coaster.

Research

I finally decided to look up information about my sister's condition. She has stage 2 cervical cancer. Her chances of survival are 75%. Those are really good but that 25% scares the hell out of me. I have so much fear and anger and so many tears inside me I feel like I will explode. My husband sits in front of me and is completely oblivious. I'm having a hard time keeping positive about anything. I'll need to watch that. I wouldn't want to harm any relationship because I'm letting my emotions get to me. I just wish I had someone to talk to. I wish my husband would be here for me.

Aidan's Birthday Wishes

She is so ready for baby doll stuff. Today, Aidan has done hardly anything but play with her babies. She put them on the potty. She fed them. She put them to go "nigh nigh." She also (when I wasn't looking) took the wipes, ointment, and diapers .... and then changed her babies' diapers. Yeah, she made a mess but it was so cute.
Aren't I a good mother?
I let her express herself
LOL

Lazy Day

I've done nothing but "straighten up" the house a little. The girls have played all day. Often my heart has been warmed because Aidan and Ainsley have sat and giggled and shared toys. Of course, Miss Aidan only allows Ainsley to use SOME of her toys. However, in spite of that she seems to love playing with her little sister. I have to watch them carefully though... Aidan has decided it's fun to attack and wrestle with Ainsley.



John just came home early to help and to spend time with us tonight. I love John. He can be such a buttheaded guy but then be so giving.

Today is Mutti's birthday. I hope Bridgett gives her something. We will celebrate when Mutti gets back on Saturday.

It is so weird without Mutti here. I keep catching myself going towards her room to ask her something or wanting to tell her something or having her see something the kids are doing. I keep having to remind myself she's in N.C. It is going to be really hard when she takes off. I wish her to have her own place but my entire married life and life of a mother has had her in it. I know no other way to be nor do I wish to. It breaks my heart to think of Aidan and Ainsley not seeing her every day. I think the quality of their lives will be less with not having another important influence. If only she'd move down the street or at least stay within the same city.

I'm hoping this trip will help Bridgett and her get along better... maybe understand each other better.

I so ramble all the time....

HAPPY 53rd BIRTHDAY TO MUTTI!!!!

And there is no place like home....

After 8 hours on the road. I'm finally here. Oh thank you thank you thank you!!!

Driving to Asheville

I was so excited to see the mountains up ahead

Both of the girls fell asleep

The Mcdonalds that tells you you're close to Asheville

Aidan found her a box of rocks to keep herself busy with while we looked in the storage.

Cancer

It doesn't look as bad as it can get. With radiation and low dosages of chemo it might knock it out. It was hard watching and hearing Bridgett speak like she always does- adamantly and passionately about stupid shit. I'd watch and listen thinking "how could she not always be here?" I tried to imagine the worst, imagine a funeral etc. It was just too far fetched for me. I don't FEEL that she'll ... yes, I will say it....die .....I really don't.