Break

Right now is the calm before the storm... family is coming in at 10 tomorrow morning. The day will be spent building a wall between our bathroom and bedroom (which is for some odd reason completely open to each other). Somewhere in there I'll take a trip to Sams. Friday there will be an educational excursion somewhere for the visiting kids as well as a family cookout to celebrate Aidan's birthday. Oh yeah, and Friday we'll be finishing the wall. Saturday is Aidan's HELLO KITTY PARTY! She is extremely excited.

I?

I cannot claim to be excited. On one hand, I mean, of course I am because I'm excited over Aidan being excited but the closer its gotten... the more I wish I hadn't planned so much. I think reality has hit me and I realize now that Aidan would be happy with far less than what I'm orchestrating. Though, to be fair, some of my spirit has perhaps been dampened because I've had a few cancellations from people with very shaky excuses.

My daughter is turning three. I think the standard line is "I can't believe it!" Uh... well... part of me can't believe it but the majority of me cannot believe she's older. Honestly... I FEEL like she should be turning 4. I even caught myself checking her birth date to make sure I hadn't made some gross miscalculation... or somehow forgot an entire year.

Okay... not really... but you get the point.

It's almost midnight.

I gotta go...

clean the kitchen top to bottom

Family Day 09

Every year John's work has a Family Day. There are rides, concessions, games, bounce houses, etc. All of it is free as long as you're an employee or a dependent. John was unable to go this year because he was at school (working on a MBA). So, McMama and I took the girls. It had been a long week and Aidan had a concussion so they weren't in the best of moods. Perhaps next year it will be more fun.

They both rode the ponies...

Aidan rode without me holding on

Ainsley for the first time

The Petting Zoo

Snapshot

Sometimes

Sometimes FEAR overtakes me and I drown in it

Sometimes the universe seems too big and I too small

Sometimes in every corner I see a monster,
in every action I see a tragedy

Sometimes I lie awake bawling with my heart breaking... living out an imagined scenario

Sometimes the lanes in the road seem too narrow and
I drive with my heart in my mouth... waiting for the crash

Sometimes I see so much evil and malice in people
I want to hide inside forever

Sometimes I just sit and wait for that ax to fall

BUT

Sometimes a monster is real

and

Sometimes a tragedy does occur

Life can change in just a blink

KISS your babies

LOVE them

KNOW they are precious

Tonight my girls sleep safe and sound
(I hope)

But oh how different things might have been!

Leaps and Bounds

I took Aidan back to gymnastics today and learned another lesson: don't underestimate you kids.

In my mind I was thinking that probably until January I'd have to take Aidan to the Mommy and Me class (18m-2yrs) because I thought she'd never be able to go to the 3 year old class... alone... without me. HA! Today, my shy and socially immature child followed the teacher Ms. Christy's directions and spoke to her with not a hint of shyness. She did so well that Ms. Christy invited her to try out the 3 year old class (that started right after). I asked if Aidan wanted to. She said "yes". So, knowing Aidan as I do, I told Ms. Christy that I'd sit on the sidelines and be close by 'cause I wasn't sure how Aidan would do. HA AGAIN! When class started Aidan was the first kid to go over and get her little mat and sit in the circle like she was supposed to. From then on, it was as if I wasn't there and quickly I realized I might as well join the other mothers in the balcony because I was completely unneeded.

Aidan did wonderful! Not only was she the most well behaved kid (never got up and wondered around or played but sat on her mat) but she intently watched everything the other girls did so that when her time came she'd try her hardest... AND she did a really good job with the routines.

She, my serious and hesitant baby girl, even did a few flips.

And so I sat there.... shaking my head... I couldn't believe it... I thought I KNEW her... I thought I had her pegged JUST SO.

Aidan showed me something today... that she's stronger than I expected.

On a funny note, I also learned that I've been deluding myself lately. Because she's so small she looked like a baby sitting next to all the other 3 year olds. I've been happily thinking that Aidan might be catching up to her age since she's grown a few inches this summer. One girl, who is within a week of Aidan's age, is 5 or so inches taller than her... and this kid is average height...

Oh, and the Mommy and Me class?..... with the just turned 2 years?..... yeah, Aidan was the same size as them.....

LMAO.... what was I smoking?

Disappointment

I was pregnant...now I'm not...today I miscarried...I know it happens to many women and that it is common...
but I was so excited...

Thinking of readying the nursery alcove in my room...
Wondering if boy or girl...
Looking at my girls and seeing three
Imagining the girls giving kisses
Knowing Aidan would try to take care of it
Knowing that Ainsley would be jealous
Dreaming of baby sweetness...

No little one now to expect in June...

******

So, we'll try again...soon

******

But I still sit here

cramping

hurting


it's OK

but still

Just Today

-Am feeling pregnant... have a lot of signs... so far tests are negative but I haven't missed monthly visitor yet.

-I think I like Ainsley's hair. It makes her look older and it's very nice not to worry about food in it. I'm also not always having to look for another barrette.

-I love how Ainsley says "shoe shoes" never are they just shoes.

-I miss some of Aidan's sayings. Just the other day I realized she no longer said... something... what was it again?

-Do you know that Aidan can go potty(pee) and wash her hands all by herself? I'm proud but sad about it.

-It cracks me up...Ainsley just passed gas and said "scus me" Why are manners funny in the very young?

-I just let the girls loose with markers... not sure why am I still on the computer...

1st Beach Day of the Year

John and I took the girls to the beach. The weather was absolutely perfect. We walked comfortably around in jeans and t-shirts while people comfortably swam in their bikinis. Of course at least one of our girls had to fall in the water and get soaked (Aidan) but it was a really nice time.

We found a little place to eat right by the water and then spent a good 1 1/2 to 2 hours walking around and collecting shells. It was so relaxed and entirely spur-of-the-moment.

This was Ainsley's first real visit. (She went last year but she was a tiny baby then.) Today she went crazy ooohing and aahing and wowing over everything. I tried to put myself into her place and imagine what it would look like for the first time in such a little body.

The only negative thing about it was that the conditions were perfect for a photo shoot and my camera died. I had to breathe for a moment and tell myself to "chill" about the lost opportunity. It was a hard thing to shrug off but I did. :-)

I'm not sure how I can live close to multiple beaches and this is the first day we visited this summer... oops... its fall already.... this year. That shows you how much of a procrastinator I am... LOL...


Oh, did I mention the parking ticket?

All about H A I R

I've been having a hard time with Ainsley's hair. It's long, grows straight down, and it stubbornly refuses to part nicely. I do enjoy all the hairstyles I can do with it but it falls out or is just in the way a lot. Sooo, I've gone back and forth over whether or not I should cut it and today finally came to a decision and whacked it off.

MiStAkE??

Messing Around

Home Run!

John decided he would take the day off from school and we enjoyed hanging around the yard. The girls practiced their tee-ball. Aidan actually hits really well. Ainsley will either push the ball with her hand of just tap it off.

Pretty Day

Cuddling With Daddy

Ainsley missed her Daddy so much that for the first week all she wanted was him. It was a nice break for me but hard for him.

At Bridgett's

We had a lot of fun at Aunt Bridgett's house. We stayed the better part of three weeks. Of course they (and I) missed their Daddy and there were repercussions and adjustment time when we returned but there was so much to do up there. I really miss living there and hardly wanted to come home. It is pretty down here but it isn't home to me.


Enjoyed the porch swing
Busy being silly Making friends


Walking in Parks

1st bonfire smore

Having fun at the playgrounds

Painting

"Helping" Aunt Bridgett

Being with the cousins

Recently

Visiting family...5 days turned into nearly 3 weeks...really relaxing... gained a new perspective on life...

Bettering my attitude about things... trying to be the best Mommywise I can be... not going to bed cringing with what I did wrong that day

Happy little girls...

One is almost three... preparing for her Hello Kitty birthday party
One is just a ham... smiling little eyes... can we say Sassy?
How wonderful it is they are BEST friends!
How wonderful it is that I can appreciate the smallest moments

Tortuous indecisiveness about the "stupidest" of things... such as whether or not to give Little Bit bangs...lol

Hosting playdates at my house... kindof fun but still very superficial... am wanting to find those few GOOD friends

Am shopping for a CHURCH... I think we need it in our lives... for many reasons

Asthma is being a pain lately... Damn Asthma

Trying for a third... hoping for a boy of course... I'm ready now