The Better MOM

We all know who you are. Every interaction we have with our kids... somewhere you are there.. taunting us to do what you would do. We ought to hate you. If it wasn't for you we would happily live our lives without knowing how lacking we are... every minuscule thing we do wrong is put before us because of your example...

Your house is always immaculate
Your meals are always healthy and home made
You are never off schedule
(but if you were to be...
... then you would be flexible and fun)
You are disciplined
You are organized
You exude patience, love ,and understanding
You find time for yourself, have three hobbies,
(and keep up with them easily)
You handle your kid's temper tantrums exactly right
You set aside quality time for each of your kids, daily

You are Perfect

You DO NOT give in to selfish desires
You DO NOT lose your temper
You DO NOT feel frustration
You DO NOT feel the urge to hit your children
You DO NOT use the t.v. for a babysitter
You DO NOT let the kids wear pjs all day
(because you're too lazy to dress them)
You DO NOT let beautiful days slip by
without taking them outside to play
You DO NOT slack on the discipline for any reason
You DO NOT appease your kids with a cookie
You DO NOT do what I do ...
...in spite of my best intentions

You are Perfect


When I look in the mirror, I can sometimes see you
because
somewhere I know, you are there inside me

Pictures at a Glance

Whom are those babies I see? ... there in my family photos?... surely they cannot be my two girls?... I swear I do not 'member them looking like that...

Has it been a week?

Phew.
Well, John's job is safe for the moment. His company let them all know this week that they are done and have no plans for future firing. They claim that things are looking up. Obviously, I hope this stays true. I will admit that instinctively I really didn't feel that he would lose his job.. but saying so seemed the most assured way for him to do so. Does that make me superstitious? Yeah, maybe.

Now that the job worry is gone... part of the money we've been saving up so that we'd have a few months of cushion...we plan to use to fix up the house. I'm looking forward towards it.

We've been really lucky. I know this and feel extremely grateful for it. I am sorry so many others are hurting.

Phew.
I've been really worried that I was pregnant. We perhaps have not been as careful as we should be (cough) Thinking that I was... made me realize I really do not want another one now. Luckily a test was negative and today a visitor came to stay for a few days.

happy happy

more time for just my two babies

Ups and Downs

I WIN one... I LOSE one

Sometimes with parenting it is so hard to figure out the perfect... right thing to do....

LOSE... still having the issue of Ainsley loudly hollering about everything that she doesn't agree with... am trying to figure out how to best stop this habit... Is it unreasonable to expect her to be patient?

WIN... on the other hand... both girls have now stopped giving me grief about picking up toys (they've been refusing lately and it had grown into a daily battle) Ainsley will now pick up almost before I've even asked her too.. and she no longer needs direction.. she just goes and does it. Aidan follows along and tries to out-do her sister... sibling rivalry can be quite helpful sometimes.

LOSE... this week Ainsley started tantrums... fling body back, jelly legs, prostrate on the floor, screaming... tantrums

WIN....But.... she's only had three major ones so far and I believe I handled them in just the right way so as not to encourage them... I think

LOSE...Aidan had started pushing and yelling at Ainsley and "being mean." She had picked it up from watching other kids.

WIN...I've given her consequences each time (after one warning) and she now... in the last few days... has started speaking to her nicely, politely, and I haven't seen her hit her in a few days.
(I did notice though that she ramped that behavior up when the in-laws were here. She learned to get a reaction out of them and they never gave her a consequence.... and they wonder why I don't let them keep the girls for a long period of time.

LOSE... I'm getting a lot of back talk from Aidan...she tells me "No" for everything and argues with everything I say... I haven't figured this one out yet. Has anyone with a two year old figured this one out yet?

WIN... I, for the moment, have won the battle of the vegetables... Aidan will now eat them.. maybe not happily... but she no longer refuses them outright.

LOSE... Much to my annoyance... and I mean serious annoyance.. Aidan has started speaking in this high-pitch tone... it is horrid and hurts my ears. I try not to show my reaction but sometimes I cannot help but to tell her to SPEAK NORMALLY!! I'm sure that isn't helping though... if I let her know I don't like it.. she'll continue it.

When people say parenting is the hardest job... it's true... It is my job to mold these kids into awesome, well-adjusted adults. Unfortunately, no matter how much experience you have and how knowledgeable on the subject you are... you can never know what the RIGHT thing to do is all the time. It IS the hardest job.. Everyday you go into work...your job description changes as do the rules for doing the job.

Happenings

I now am the proud owner of the dining room set I've been wishing for. I found it on Craigslist.. still new with the tags... for HALF the price it is in the stores... yay for Craigslist!

Somehow I've banged up my knee.. it is swollen and painful... not exactly sure what is wrong with it.. or how I did it

Half Preschool officially started this past Monday. It is going well. Aidan is excited and is happily doing the activities I've planned. I'm enjoying printing and laminating games, making word cards, etc for it.

This week has been slow.. not much has been happening... the in laws came over one day this weekend... their battery died while they were here... John's dad, Curtis, brought them a new battery....they ended up staying for supper. Of course, somehow, John and I payed for it all... all $50 dollars worth!

John's work is still cutting people every day and apparently will continue doing so (possibly) until June. So far he is still going to work. I'm a little optimistic he'll be alright but perhaps naively so.

Oh, John finally got to work in the front yard on Sunday. Hopefully, we shall have no more angry neighbors because our yard is such a mess. Aidan helped quite a bit. She raked and picked up sticks and helped pick up the leaves... I love this age when they are so helpful.

The new version of ABC's

Aidan loves to sing and loves the ABC song. However,the only version she knows is the SUPER WHY song... ya know.. with the pig and everything...

"...sing with me"

There are some things you would think would remain the same no matter how different the world becomes. I thought the ABC's would be one of them. It makes me wonder how many other toddlers are out there who only know this new version.

On Mother's Day

This year.....

Paper flowers made by the husband and the children...
Lots of hugs and kisses...
My very first diamond necklace and diamond earrings...
(which the female in me enjoys)
Hanging with the in-laws at their house..
Yummy fried chicken.. ahh...
Watching the girls enjoy massive amounts of attention...
Feeling crummy in the sick way...
Sleeping in the recliner with Baby Conner...
Aidan proudly handing out the bookmarks she made...
Being told what a wonderful, nurturing mother I am...
John taking care of the kids almost exclusively
Staying up late to catch up on Heroes
Falling asleep on the couch

2 A.M.

Give me your hand I said.. you lifted it and placed it in mine.. I stroked your fingers and kissed them and marveled at how tiny and pretty they were. Again, I need to cut your nails. Your body relaxed... you snuggled your head into just the right position and closed your eyes. Soon you rolled over and tucked those arms under your body... your legs were splayed. I looked.. close up.. at your little face. Is it weird to love your eyebrows? I love to touch your face..follow the contours. I traced and stroked your perfectly formed ear. They don't stick out any more... huh.. I heard deeper breaths.. your body grew heavy... It amused me that you like your ears touched.. Yes, I thought about the day when a man may pay them attention... it was hard to imagine...

How funny it is that I am so physical demonstrative with you and your sister! Do you know that we come from a NO-TOUCH family? It comes so naturally... an extension of my emotions. Of course, eventually I'll have to stop. I don't think when you're a teenager you'll appreciate me holding and rubbing your legs while I look over every part... noting the lengthening.. the loss of baby fat.. the small bruise from ??... the curves and freckles.. and everything. But then again maybe you will... leg massages do feel good. I know you enjoy them because you stick those little feet in my face to request more.

You look so different when you sleep... It must be the eyes... without that twinkle.. that mischievous, "I-am-about-to-do-something-I'm-not-supposed-to-do-but-you're-not-going-to-get-mad-because-I'm-so-darn-cute-about-it-and-we-both-know-it" look of yours is gone for the moment. In sleep, you look so much more innocent... my old soul baby.

I think about how I just want to be with you two girls and that I'm not ready to think about another child. I am enjoying you two too much to add a third to the mix. I think also that perhaps because of who you are... it would be better for you to not become the middle child quite so early. An age gap might help.

I treasure these times... I know that shortly I will have to say goodbye to this snuggling.. but for now I will revel in it. All day yesterday you just wanted me.. you wanted me to pick you up and you'd lay your head on my shoulder and tuck your arms to your side.. Am I a terrible Mom to find enjoyment in your sickness?... How deeply you sleep while I hold you... I must be comfortable.

You then wake up coughing... choking...you can't get your breath. Not so much enjoyment then. I wipe your face, pat your back, and we go in search of medicine.

Wrenching Waiting

This waiting is horrible. I have this most horrendous wrenching weight in my stomach... in my heart. They started the pruning at John's work. Apparently the guys come in with a box in hand, tap you on the shoulder, and tell you to pack your stuff. That's it. Every time John calls from work I'm scared it's going to be a "I'm coming home" call.

I imagine what it must feel like to be one of those workers.. when they come up to you.. how their stomach must sink to the floor.. how horror struck they must feel.. how all sorts of thoughts of paying bills and feeding their families must run through their heads...and of course they must think "why me?" I pray and pray that John will not have to go through that.

I know that if he does things WILL work out.. it always does. What is the worst that can happen? We lose our house? Yeah, that would stink but we could always start over. We happen to live in an area where houses are selling.. so if needed, we'll just sell to break even and move on. Things would be okay. It would be hard for me to convince John of that.. but they would be.

Of course, our life would change tremendously and I don't WANT our life to change. I would probably have to get a job which would, in turn, break my heart. I would HATE not being with my girls... BUT we are blessed to know that if needed, there are family members who would watch them.. I wouldn't have to put them in daycare.

Life could be worse than just experiencing a job loss. We could lose a child. We could be terminal. I tell myself and John this all the time.

But... still..... oh how I pray they walk past his desk!

Long Night, Restful Day

Sometimes it is so easy to make one and two year old girls happy..

Throw a sheet over their table and you get "Whoa.. that's awesome!" and an hour and a half of uninterrupted Me time. (which since I'm sick means vegging on the couch)

Today we are all sick and all tired. The girls slept with us all night which, in turn, meant no one got any sleep. Aidan is apparently a restless sleeper and would frequently throw her arm or other appendage into my face. . Ainsley just kept waking up crying because she was too stuffed up. Unfortunately we couldn't get the lovely vaporizer to work. Perhaps we should own three?

I've stayed glued to the couch all day and I don't feel bad about it either. Okay, maybe just a little but Mommy guilt is hard to beat.

I have however spent one-on-one time with each of the girls and that makes me happy.

Aidan and I played a game where we take turns reading parts from her Little Bear book and then afterward she'd review her sight words and find them in her book.

Ainsley and I both played with the My First Leap Pad. I think turning the pages is her favorite part though. :-)

Ooh, what an exciting day!

Pictures from the Yard

One very dirty little girl

Goodbye baby swing.

She was helping!

Yard Day

Wow! I am so tired I am typing this in my sleep. HaHa

The world seems unreal.

This morning started around 5am. We dropped Ainsley off at the in-laws. We took Aidan to the hospital. She was running a 102.8 temp and kept waking up screaming. Yeah, it was just an ear infection. Poor baby has no appetite (which I believe is a first) and has two little flushed cheeks.

The rest of the day was full of wasted time and stupid delays. We had the in-laws over to help with the yard. John is trying to get all the leaves up and we're attempting to make a designated play area for the girls. Ha.. I believe we got started somewhere at 4pm.

Bug and Bit now have a playhouse for outdoors. It's cedar and so so cute. Right now it's still sitting in the box in our living room because it takes a half day to build it. (seriously) I'll be excited to see the finished product but I don't look forward to the construction.

Umm, I'm totally "spoiling" the girls but think it won't ruin them too much... I hope.

I have to applaud John's Dad because he worked really hard.

Josh came over (is still here actually... hehe.. aren't I rude?) and worked really hard too. I was pleasantly surprised because he didn't have to.

This wasn't a good day to do yard work.. everyone was sick.. literally everyone.

I miss McMama. Spending all day in the company of in-laws just makes me realize how much more I prefer spending time with McMama. She needs to come home. My inlaws are not my family. She's missing all the new things happening... the hospital visit...new playhouse... Little Bit saying a LOT of new words...trying to fix up the yard.. etc. The excitement of all the new things and our yard is less for me because she's not here seeing and sharing in it. (even if she would roll her eyes at my excitement) Her room is lonely and missing her too. It makes me sad to see her room empty.

She needs to come home too so that we can watch our shows together. I had to watch Ghost Whisperer by myself. It's not as good as when sharing it.

Lady Bug has started asking me when McMama is coming home.

I don't mean to sound harsh about the in-laws. We've been getting along fine and it is okay being around them (mostly) but it's not always comfortable for me and I'd rather hang out and do things with Dear, my girls, and McMama. We fit together. THEY are my people. THEY are who I am comfortable with.

Whoo... I just fell asleep at the computer here.. LOL

I need to go to bed.

Name Changes

I'm playing with the idea of changing all the names to the code names that others seem to prefer... for safety purposes. It seems like a good idea.. however.. I have noticed that when I read blogs with code names.. it's harder to connect to them.

Soo Cute My Little Bit

Her 1st Pudding!!

N.C. Visit

The Cousins

Aidan is one of the BIG girls now!

Playing in the front yard

Still fits in a sink-all 17 lbs of her

Raiding the pantry

Enjoying her first popsicle