See Saw

With my trips to N.C. and with other things going on in my life... school keeps getting left undone. This week will be week 5 but really only the 4th week of actual work. Half of me feels mildly panicky about it and then the other half asks "what in the world are you worrying about?"

I am too easily influenced by things that I read. One day, I may find a website where it is nothing but parents and teachers who encourage early learning and tell stories of their brilliant and thriving kids and how they were rotting away without a focus. The next day, I'll find a website with facts and figures and adamant postings about letting kids be kids and not schooling them until they're 6 or even 8. I keep swaying side to side to whatever side sounds convincing at the moment.

I love being a teacher. I'm good at it. If ever I had a "calling" it would be to teach. (well... with the exception of photography and being a Mother) Aidan is a dream of a student. Sometimes, of course, she isn't interested in school but most of the time she's eager. I still worry about if what we're doing is right though. I wonder how eager she'd be if it was as constant as I was planning it to be. I wonder how eager she'll be at the age of 6... when she's been doing school for 3 years already. I know that what we do and most importantly how we do it is not overly stressful. School so far is fun and spontaneous. I make a plan for the week and it all gets done in tiny little increments. We've never sat down at any specific time (although I had planned to do so). We don't work for two hours. Randomly, either Aidan asks to do it or I ask and she says yes. I don't push... much. But...oh... I still worry.

and then...

I still worry about what if it's not enough. I know quite well that Aidan is capable of much more. Am I shortchanging her because I don't make things more challenging? Is her brain slowly dying in important places because we haven't started collecting and learning about leaves? LOL! Seriously though... I do think things like that. Sometimes I feel like her brain is starving and I'm keeping it alive on a diet of bread crumbs.

but then again...

I see her (like at this very moment) playing nicely... planning and building train tracks... howling in unison with her sister... being silly and full of joy and I think... she's doing okay... she's a great kid...quite worrying

Ah to be ME! Are all Mothers this insane?

In reality, I know that it boils down to MY kids and who THEY are and what THEY need. As their Mother it is my job and my job only to decide what is best for them. I know that kids are different and what is best for one will probably not be best for the other. I know also, that parents tend to go a little crazy about what they believe is the "right" thing to do. So, of course, what they say/write will be adamant and decisive. I'm only influenced because I see both sides.

Being a Piscean is quite bothersome. I'm left and I'm right. The middle-ground, for me, is sometimes hard to find.