Sunlight....
Happy girl loudly singing Jingle Bells... it doesn't matter Christmas is over... she's proud she can remember the words...I am tickled she's reached this stage... I'm loving hearing her sing songs
Little Me... grinning widely...climbing everything...talking so sweetly...snuggles and hugs and kisses and crocodile tears
So much innocence... my babies... so untouched by the horrors of what-can-be... so unaware. I am so grateful for this privileged life we can give them...they are so loved... so happy
Darkness....
What will this year bring for us? There is so much fear... GRIEF that overshadows everything...a permanent knot in my stomach... Will this year be noted for a tragedy? Will my much-loved sister DIE?
I know God provides... and will do so regardless of the outcome with my sister. I believe this strongly... I do... the belief is a part of me... it is so ingrained. I have faith... stronger than anyone can guess... but it's hard... so hard... this is my sister... my "future rocking chair on the front porch companion while we're old and gray" sister... my "let us bitch about the husbands so as to give their behavior a semblance of normalcy to make us feel better" sister... my "isn't it cool that we've broken the family cycle and have remained close?" sister. This...this MAYBE...this HORROR that can be....it's...it's inconceivable.
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Is this the sugar-coating you're worried about? They'll know. If something tragic happens, they'll know - my nextdoor neighbor died two months ago and immediately my almost-4.y.o. had a gazbillion death worries. It's so hard, but I try to be honest without giving any more detail than necessary. I hope, though that that new year brings you only all the best, and none of the worst.
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