Birthday Shopping

We went to Toys R Us today to see if they had the easel for Aidan I wanted. I have not been to it since before the fire. They're building a Babies R Us and revamping the existing Toys R Us so it's a bit of a mess. Anyway, we finally managed to find the easel and it was on sale! Yay! We picked a great day to get it. Then, while putting it together at home (I wanted to see it) I discovered that it's even cooler than expected. I've been worried about how small Aidan is and how hard it will be for her to use it... when low and behold... if I don't put the bottom part of the legs on...the easel is much smaller and more her size. So, I guess you can say it's a grow-with-me easel. It's funny how happy one gets when something turns out way better than expected. Can you tell I'm pleased? Ha Ha

Sale

Yard Sale is over

I'm sunburned

I'm tired

It was a very slow day

but helpful

We made nearly 2 hundred

Which was my goal

There is more space in the garage now

Yay!

Preparing

We're in the middle of preparing for the yard sale. I hate the dust. My asthma and allergies are acting up. But! I'm having fun. I have always liked this and the prospect of making money is great. I hope it turns out well. I feel positive so maybe that means it will bomb. I hope not.

This Weekend

We have not heard back from Bridgett yet since she first told me about the Marfan stuff. Mutti is really worried and is wondering if Bridgett is mad at her for giving it to her. (Though really she got it from her father) Emotionally I've shut down about it all. I'm trying to think about this weekend and packing the house. Tomorrow we are going to have a yard sale. Like always, we've put off most of the preparations until today. So, we'll probably be up past midnight finishing it. But hey... we wouldn't want to mess up our record.... would we?

Too Much

Today Bridgett found out that my niece, Makensie, has a heart defect- most probably caused by something called Marfan Syndrome. Which, by the way, means Bridgett has it and it's highly likely AT LEAST one other of her kids has it. I hope they all don't have it. The chances of passing it down are 50/50. It is a dominant genetic disorder that is very serious and may or may not be fatal... depending on how severe they have it. It is incurable and you have to deal with it for life. Based on the symptoms... we're all pretty sure Cole will have it as well. My heart bleeds over this. I almost feel so overwhelmed by it all I've lost all feeling. Bridgett was just diagnosed with cervical cancer and now she and at least two of her children have a potentially fatal disorder. What else is about to happen? It's just too much.

One sick baby ...Two sick baby

Both of my girls are sick. I believe we're in for a long night. Ainsley has progressively gotten worse as the day has worn on. She's asleep on our bed and waking up every 15-20 minutes or so. Aidan seems to be sleeping better but she'll need to be checked on frequently.

Bad Briana

I haven't done a good job this week with watching my portion sizes etc. I've been eating junk and snacking a lot. Frankly, I'm afraid to look at the scale because I'm pretty sure I will have gained 3 pounds. Oh, how those mashed potatoes kill me!

Ainsley

Well I have to say I do believe Little Bit has decided she doesn't want to crawl and will just go straight to walking. She just turned 7 months yesterday and today she learned to pull up. So far she had been pulling up with our hands only. This afternoon, however, she pulls up once by herself and now she's pulling up on everything... on toys.. on furniture .. etc. The funniest thing is she is so pleased with herself about it. She just laughs and smiles and smacks her lips together. Ainsley is such a funny duck. Because she's teething she now keeps turning her lips inward so that she looks like a happy leprechaun.

Long Night

Aidan had a hard time last night. After going to bed she kept waking up every 15 minutes because she couldn't breathe etc. We actually had her in the car and on the way to the hospital before Mutti and I changed our minds. Instead, we came back home and put her to bed with John and I. I was up a lot last night calming her back to sleep. She didn't sleep well and couldn't breathe and coughed a lot. Our educated guess is that she has croup. She got it from this little girl that was at Sears last Friday. We had noticed the girl was coughing a croupy cough and I had thought we'd kept Aidan away from her... but apparently at one time they were close together and the girl coughed right in Aidan's face. Damn it. Selfishly, it makes me mad because I was planning to take Aidan to Savannah mall for our playgroup. We were to make an art project at AC Moore and then go to softplay. A lot of moms with kids Aidan's age are going to be there and I was really looking foward towards it. So far I've only been to two outings. Well, I suppose next time...

Relax, Sit Back

We made the decision to do nothing this weekend and just enjoy being together. It was nice. We went to the very dead flea market and wandered around Saturday morning. Today, John and I took the girls to the in-laws. It went fine. Now, the girls are asleep and we're sitting in the living room watching T.V. John has been working every night on his group project and instead of being bothered by his distraction (from me) I'm enjoying it. Somehow, we're talking more and being closer because he's keeping me in the loop and I think because it's throwing us back into "college" mode. We had a good time together in college. Things were very easy with us. Maybe this MBA program won't be so bad after all.

Pictures From Today

My hopes

We are watching a movie together right now. It is making me think about marriages. I hope that John and I will be the couple..still married...60 years from now...that smiles wryly at each other when younger people ask us how we stayed together so long. We'll tell them you must love each other at different times than the other. We'll have our lives so intertwined with so many years of memories and moments and fights and love and hate that when the first of us dies... the other will never be whole. Is this morbid?

Picture Day!

Wow.. last night's post....I needed some sleep! HaHa

Today was a really good day. It's been pouring rain because of Tropical Storm Fay. However, we got up and got ready to go because it was picture day today! We got some really excellent ones. This was really the best photo shoot we've had. I will from now on use this same woman.... Joanne. She was very professional and even hit it off with our Aidan. (Apparently Aidan decided to prove me totally insane by being very happy, smiley, and talkative with strangers today.)

John and Aidan are in the floor playing with blocks and making silly faces. Aidan's yelling "I got you," attacking John, and laughing. Everyone needs to make time to stop and see the Kodak moments.

After pictures we all (including Mutti) went out to lunch at Longhorn. We had meant to go for a celebratory dinner for getting the house but had never gone. So, we went this afternoon. It was cheaper to go during the day anyway.

Then, we thought "Hey, it's been raining like mad... lets see if our new house floods!" So, we rode to -?- and checked it out. It looks good. Only the ditches were swollen with water. I was very pleased to see it and know that one day I will call it home.

Later, on the way home, we stopped at Walmart for a few necessities.

Now, we're chilling and we're about to get the girls bathed.

Worries and Panic Attacks

It's late and like many people... I worry more the later it gets. The tired mind lets through all that stays in the background. However, sometimes I think I'm certifiable. Right now I'm thinking about Aidan. She worries me. She is such a funny, cheerful little girl ... but only while she's at home. In public... she's ..withdrawn..and serious..and..well?...ODD! When I look back at all the pictures I have of her.... in nearly every one she's practically scowling.....sometimes there is no expression. When I take note of this I sometimes have that gut reaction you get when you think something is wrong. You know? That dropping sensation....just not an extreme one. Like I wonder if she's slightly Autistic. That's so ridiculous. I know she isn't (there really isn't any signs of it.) It's funny how you can know something to be true... absolutely...yet still have nagging thoughts in your head. Anyway, I know that Aidan is perfectly fine. I've always known that. Yet, I still worry. And I don't only do that about Aidan either. I do it to Ainsley. Ainsley will give some vacant expression like all six month babies do... that wide eyed "duh" look and I'll think negative things ...what if's. I would really like to know if this is normal or do I need help. I do this often. It does not just apply to the girls having issues. It's all day long... negative what if's pop in my head. Sometimes, they're horrible. For example.. earlier today I was lying down with Ainsley and I was imagining working in our new garage with a table saw... helping with building a new deck and then it just pops into my head a scene out of a horror movie where I get this panicky horrible vision of what if one of the girls was leaning over to look to see what was going on and they fall forward into the saw and their head is cut off. I'm standing there and couldn't react in enough time to stop it. My heart starts racing and I feel all of those horrifying, gut wrenching, this could not have just happened, Nooo! my daughter must be fine Nooo! - feelings as if it did happen. WHERE THE HELL DOES THIS COME FROM? I feel scared like I have to take the girls and hide them from all dangers, hide them from all table saws. I had to grab a hold of Ainsley to feel better. I had to tell myself to calm down. I mostly started this panicky stuff when Aidan was born and frankly... it's getting worse. Sometimes I'll get some possible danger stuck in my head I have to control myself from acting crazy. I have to calm myself. At night when I go to check on them for the last time.. I always ...yes....Always... imagine them still and cold in their beds. I always always breathe better to see they're breathing and warm. I always say a prayer for God to protect them and keep them "healthy, happy, and whole." It's so silly. It's so INSANE. And no, no one knows about this. This is one of my private things I keep to myself.... well...until now.

Down Day

I've been feeling down today. Perhaps it's because of all the things happening in such a short time. Of perhaps it's because we have no more money. I'm sure it is a lot of things. I need some sleep.